A Purpose

Recently I went to the movie theaters to see “A Dog’s Purpose,” obviously I cried because it’s a dog movie, have you ever seen a movie strictly talking about cats or a cat's life? Not really and if there was, let’s be honest it wouldn’t be the same as a dog movie. Cats are cool, don’t get me wrong and not all of them lay in the sun all day. I’m not a cat person, you can probably tell, actually I’m sitting next to one. I think I’ve developed an allergic reaction to them recently. Anyways my rant isn’t on cats, nor is this blog a rant at all. Instead it’s simply the purpose of why we are here, but first let me talk a little bit about the movie. 

It’s about a loyal companion to a young athlete named Ethan, him and Bailey (the dog) are the best of friends. Along the way Ethan meets Hannah, no not me, and eventually falls in love. A tragic accident has Ethan leaving Hannah and Bailey behind while he goes off to college. Bailey is broken hearted and as a result suffers greatly and, here comes the tears, passes away. Bailey then reincarnates as a K-9 unit dog named Ellie who passed away tragically. Bailey is reincarnated again as a Corgi (OH MY GOSH! I want one SOOO bad), named Tino. He helps his companion find love and start a family; Bailey states that this was his best life as he lived until his old age and for the final time is once more reincarnated. His last reincarnation is him as a St. Bernard and is brought into a home where no one really took care of him. His owner couldn’t have the dog anymore and begged her boyfriend or husband or brother, it wasn’t clear, that he be taken to a good home, however the man dropped off the mangy dog on the streets and was deemed a feral. Bailey wonders what his purpose was in each life and how he used those purposes to find Ethan again. The movie was really touching and inspiring, despite how many times I cried during the film.
 I loved this movie, not because of the dogs or how funny it was, but because of the quotes that were used. I love and live for quotes, they are my life source often times and I pin them all over Pinterest and on my walls.  The end quote was my favorite and made me think, is this not only the purpose of a dog, or is it for anyone?

         “ There are three rules I have come to understand in my life. 1.) Have fun, obviously. 2.) Whenever possible find someone to save and save them. 3.) Lick the ones you love. 4.) Don’t get all sad faced about what happened and scrunchy-faced about what could.”

The quote doesn’t end there, but first I want to talk about this first part. In this darkened world, where the norms of what our life was even 2 years ago is now muddled and confusing, where we are slowly and silently being abused by conforming and accepting to everything whilst still shaming anyone who views little things differently than our own, we must stay positive.

I love how they said that the first rule should be having fun. Yes, as the generations are growing up and there doesn’t seem to be enough time of the day, stop. Stop what you are doing and look, actually look around you. See the trees the blue sky, and the fresh flowers blooming, it’s real. It’s not behind some glass screen, it’s actually right there at fingers length away Get off your phone and go have fun like children do, be silly, get wild, and go crazy.

Nature is begging our generations to come back and explore its vast and unknown lands. Have fun with your children, loved ones, your dog, or just by yourself. Leave your phones and technology behind you as you do so. When I was little, now I sound old, we didn’t have cell-phones. Our parents trusted my friends and me almost too much as we left the safety of our homes and yards to explore what was around us. Mind you, I lived in Vegas. I could have been kidnapped at any point and time in my life but I wasn’t. Want to know why nature is dying; it’s not because of pollution, men (or women) chopping trees down, or because of global warming. It runs much deeper than that, no one marvels at the trees anymore, no one looks under rocks or fallen branches in search of bugs, no one lays down on the soft grass and gaze at the stars above, no one seems to care anymore and it’s hurting.

While I am going on a tangent about not exploring nature, I’m probably missing the point. Have fun, it’s important to step away from the hectic busy life we are thrown into; by relaxing and being near the ones you love most helps increase productivity and cognitive growth. Yes, having fun should and always be number 1. 

Rule number 2 is my favorite part; I have always believed I had this magical power within me to help those in need.  I know this seems childish to say and especially writing it, I often wonder if I was an angel in my previous existence. I’ve had a few cases were my friends told me that I was like their guardian angel and that I always know when they are in trouble or need some cheering up. Even when I text my friends I always seem to have this intuition that something is either bothering them or they aren’t being truly honest with me on how happy they really are. Always find someone in need and help that person, I always try to give a dollar to a homeless person if I have one on hand. They may not be homeless, or maybe they are, but I always feel good that that dollar could mean a lot to them. 

I have an extraordinary friend who came into my life not too long ago, I was just starting my freshman year at BYU-Idaho and I was so nervous. Not because I was going to be on my own, but because of the people who will be my roommates. I prayed so hard that I would have at least one really great friend by the end of the semester. Turns out instead of one I got two, Jessica and Kirstin, and they made my first semester so much more meaningful than I could ever hope for. Jessica and I have been roommates for 5 semesters and friends for almost 5 years.

She taught me patience, kindness, love, and charity. I love Jessica more than anyone I could have ever known, we often joked that if either one of us was the opposite gender or we met each other we would get married. She is my best friend and I hate that I’m not always in that much contact with her and I feel awful knowing she needs someone to talk to and I can’t most times.

Despite being graduated, I tried my best to be there for her. To be someone she could trust and lean on to for support to save her as much and as many times as God would allow me to, as she has saved me multiple times. If you find someone special or know someone who needs you, go to them. They need you more than they probably needed someone else and you should feel honored. Whenever Jessica called or texted me if I was busy, even if I was, I dropped everything just to spend a few minutes with her. Time waits for no one. 

I’m going to skip the 3rd rule as it’s implied that you should love more often to your spouse, partner, boyfriend, or even friends. This doesn’t have to mean kissing only; just loving someone is just as important. The 4th and final rule is one we should all remember and learn from. The past is in the past; we shouldn’t keep looking back on it. What happened happened for a reason; whether it was good or bad all decides on how you look at it and how you treat it. Stop thinking about the “what if…” moments. Again, what happened; happened for a reason. We should focus on the present time in our lives and while I do know that some cases are harder to move on from and some cases are hard not to think about, but in time we should move on. I always say that if nothing works out the way it does or I want it to, it’s because something bigger is coming my way.

Great! Now that we discussed on the 4 rules, what about the last part of the quote. Here is where I got all sappy, again I love quotes and some get me teary eyed.

            “Just be here now. Be. Here. Now. That’s a dog’s purpose.”

Just be here now, it kind of went hand in hand with the last rule, but sometimes it’s hard to just be here in the present. It’s hard to stay, because our mind likes to drift off and get a boarding pass to the future or in the past and everywhere in between. However we need to just be here live and breathe in the present. Take it one moment at a time because every time you blink, it’s a new moment, a new time, and a new world. In one blink, you’ve just woken up to a new present in a new now. 

On a side note, the 2nd here sounds like an emphasis. At least when I read it, but if not, let me shed some light. I decided to look up the definition of the word here and in the Webster’s Dictionary this is what I found.

1. A: In or at this place {Turn here} - Often used interjectionally especially in answering a roll call.
    B: NOW {Here it's morning already}
    C: In an arbitrary location {A book here, a page there}
2. At or in this, particular, or case {Here we agree}
3. In the present life or state. {On Earth}
4. To this place. {Come here}
5. Used interjectionally in rebuke or encouragement {Here now, that's enough}

Out of the definitions, look at #3. "In the present life or state," so now let's look at that part of the quote again, but replace here with that definition.

"Be. In the present life. Now" 

How beautiful does that sound? It's more meaningful and more impactful, don't you think?

I’m a Mormon and I LOVE the Mormon messages on YouTube, they are for all who want to hear and listen. Some are about trials, pains, and afflictions; some are about charity, faith, and love. It’s for all religions and not just the Mormon community to hear, we can all relate to a story and that’s why I love them. They are great videos and I highly encourage anyone to watch a few; I have some that I love watching over and over again. There is one in particular called, “Things that Matter Most.” It’s a beautiful video that plays in happy, upset, sad, or confusing moments in anybody’s day or life, all done in slow motion. It tells us that in a fast paced world, we should slow down a little and enjoy what is happening around us. View it in slow motion and marvel, bask, contemplate, and feel it as it is happening. Whether it's something great, or something simple we should just be in the present.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l70e1TfN34w

Is this really a dog’s purpose now, or could it be anybody’s purpose in life. What is your purpose, why are you here? Some may not know why and that’s ok because some lives are more complicated than our own, some are in more dire situations so of course it’s hard to imagine why you’re here if all you’ve ever known is hardships and pain. This reminds me of my first blog post on here and the book that I have come to love most, “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. They, too, talk about the purpose of you being here, or in their case, your own personal legend. Mine? I believe I am here to lift others, to be that guardian angel in someone’s life. To carry their burdens as if they were my own, be there for them in their times of need. But why now in this era, why not the next or the last one? All I can say is why NOT now; in a world full of negativity I want to make even a small part of the world a better and happier place to be in. Spreading goodness and smiles to as many people as I can, lifting heavy hearts and minds along the way. I am not perfect, no one is, but that is the way I like it. I am simply imperfect in the most perfect way that I can be.

You have a purpose too, that’s why you are here. Whether you know or not doesn’t matter, what matters is how you live your life.

“If you only ever impact one person -yourself- to live better, live stronger & live smarter, with more love for self, life and others, I believe you are living a purposeful life."

                  -Coach Bobbi

To start anew

It has been months since I last posted something here on my blog. Truth is I am terrible at keeping track of it and slips from my mind entirely. So I want to apologize first and foremost.
I was on facebook about 5 minutes ago, scrolling and looking at what my friends or pages have posted for the day, when suddenly I began to realize how empty this all seemed. I was taken aback and dumbfounded at this newfound feeling. I went to my pages that I have followed and one by one unfollowed and unliked. I was astounded by how many pages I did like, from yoplait to Barkpost and from Monster High to teletubbies.
I'm not even a big yogurt eater nor do I own a dog anymore. I do like Monster High (even though I'm a mid 20 year old) but deleted it because it wasn't worth my time and why do I even have Teletubbies on my favorite T.V show category?!
It took me FOREVER to delete all the unnecessary pages and items and I felt a lot better with this new change. It was short lived and I realized I needed to do better than that. So what did I do? I did what I never would have done, I deleted my old account (which had a VERY old email attach to it) and began totally fresh. Actually, I still have my account I only kept it because it has memorable pictures on there. I re-added my friends because I do like to keep up with them from time to time and I do have to say that I feel relieved and better than ever.
Now since I started over what do I have in mind with this new account? I decided I wanted to spread some positive vibes on the social media. I want to post some goodness and positive postings/ quotes. Either from songs, movies, in books, on pinterest, or from what people have told me. I want to be able to be in touch with myself through doing this and to my friends/ family members. I want to be a better influence not only to those I love, but to myself as well. Because how can I love a person if I don't love myself first. In a way, this new resolution is like finding myself again and doing what I know I love to do. Spread happiness, good word, and faith like confetti! Cause who doesn't like confetti?


-A few weeks later-
Sounded something from Spongebob. I could not be any happier with my decision! Everyday I think of good things to post, meaningful and worthwhile, maybe I don't post every single day, but I think of what to post instead of what I ate, what I did with whoever, etc, etc. I no longer am captive to posting my life, because that is my life and I feel like I need to be more cautious of that. I also have decided to be more positive, as if I wasn't already. The thing is, is that I have people in my life who are negative. What I mean is that they are really nice people, but they make remarks that could shut someone down or judge. While I use to be that kind of person not that long ago, I have since mentally grown up. Everyone is different, the way they talk, dress, act, or do in their daily lives is what they want to do. I shouldn't tell someone how they should do a certain something because they aren't me or they're not living up to my "expectations". In a world full of hate and negative emotions or words, we need to change. What ever happened to complimenting someone or liking something without judging or harshly commenting on the subject. Whatever happened to, "You have your opinion, I have mine, but I still value you as a person and even though I don't agree with your statement, you have good qualities."
How is it right to treat someone with disrespect and put them down? Do you truly know how they react or feel after the manner? The more I become familiar with our constant changing world and the older I get the more I realize that our world sucks, and I truly mean that. So my goal for this year is to be more conscious and more positive. I've also decided to do something good for every month of the year, with April coming up I have some great plans for me, which I hope to write about next month.

"Don't judge me. You can't handle half of what I've dealt with. There's a reason I do the things I do, there's a reason I am who I am."

Something Great

HELLO! Yes I am back and I know it has been quite some time, but as I was listening to some Tom Day on this lovely sunshiney Sunday afternoon I decided to continue my blog. I have to admit that I have been stuck with what to write and what to say, but today during my church I contemplated a lot about this upcoming semester for me here at Brigham Young University (Idaho). I was excited yet nervous about my classes and the people I might meet and the memories I would make. Yet at the beginning this wasn't the feeling I had. In fact I was afraid and feared going to college because I knew I wasn't that smart and didn't excel well in school, even when I was a child. I had learning disabilities that I had just found out and was trying to make amends. adjustments in my life.
I thought my life was pretty good, though it wasn't. I had a fairly good job, I had somewhat good friends, and I thought my life would just by some miracle fall into place. However my parents wanted the best for me and my bleak future I had conjured up. After seeing my ACT scores I knew I wasn't fit for college, In fact the department I wanted to get in to at that time was Elementary Education and the local college (ISU) didn't really accept me because my scores were too low. I knew right then that I was a failure and doubted my worth, educational wise. Yet my parents still wanted me to get an education and helped me apply to BYU-I. If I wasn't accepted at ISU why would BYU-I accept me? I doubted my future of becoming a teacher and deemed myself worthless and from any happiness that may arise. I was wrong to doubt myself, I was wrong to think that I wasn't good enough because I was. I really was capable of something great, yet I still denied my future happiness.

Weeks later I got my letter from the college and every fiber of by body was exploding with nerves. I was dying to prove to my mother that I wasn't smart enough. But deep down inside I wanted to be accepted and become something great. Then as if the right words bursted forth from the page I saw the word "Congratulations." Those doubts of me getting accepted into college flew away and I was welcomed with sweet bliss and "I told you so's" from my family. But that wasn't the end, I still doubted myself. I changed majors and doubted myself from getting my associates and even my bachelor degree. I aimed very low for myself and for the goals in college. I denied happiness still and denied from being capable of becoming something great. But each time I doubted myself I was proven wrong, and I did gain happiness from friends, from my classes, and from getting my Associates degree. Now I am happily and willingly getting my Bachelors Degree and will graduate hopefully next Spring.

The thing is, doubts are like walls you purposely built around you. Doubts are like haunting messages of telling yourself that you aren't good enough for something or to deny you true happiness. From doubts comes the wicked monsters of fears. Fearing you won't become something great. Fears and doubts are like best friends. They trick you to think you are lesser of what you are, weaker than you seem. They're like a sticky mud pit that you can't get out of until you call out for help from the hand of "I can do this." And once that hand grabs ahold of you, you fight with every breath and every cell in your body to prove to doubt and fear that you are NOT what they whispered to you in your heart. You ARE meant for greatness, so doubt your doubts and fight your fears. Tear down the walls of "I can't",put on the cape of "I can" and head toward your goals and aspirations in life.

I was on Facebook a few weeks ago and one of my friends posted a rather "long" video. I don't like looking at videos on Facebook for some reason, but this time I felt like I needed to hear it. It's about this young man giving a speech through a poem he wrote. He talks about a man who doubts himself and basically calls out to Jesus Christ saying he can't do this anymore and doesn't know what to do. It was pretty good so far, so I kept listening. Then the young man switches his tone as if he was answering this mans questions through the voice of Jesus. He tells the man that he is strong enough and that He is always there. Now this next part absolutely blew me away. In fact I heard this small simple sentence 10 times. As Christ tells the man to stop doubting himself he tells him that his doubts are as empty as the tomb He walked out of. Think about that. Doubts don't bring you closer to goals or aspirations in life, goals don't push you to do something, instead it denies you from doing something. Doubts don't make you a better person and doubts don't help much when you are making crucial decisions. So yes, doubts are JUST as empty as the tomb He walked out of. How beautiful is that?

One of my all time favorite movies is called "The Help." If you have not seen this, DO IT NOW! I don't care if you are a rough an tough 40 year old man, you NEED to see this! It's a story set in the early 1960's, in Jackson, Mississippi. A time where (excuse my language in this next part) Blacks and Whites were divided and where the blacks worked for the whites. A story written through those eyes and hands that labored with these families. A story unlike any other, and dangerous as such. The girl writing this story is a journalist. She gets an idea one day to write the stories of each lady who was a Helper to the white families. Recording their thoughts, their dreams, their memories, everything. It was dangerous work however. Despite the beginning doubts and fears to write this story and doubts from the publisher, the young journalist, still wrote and pursued on. Skeeter pushed to get these stories and the truth from the opposite color, and despite their refusal, she still pushed. She knew that the truth and these stories needed to be heard and through Skeeters' perseverance, her book was publish, soon fear was replaced with generosity and gratitude. We can become like Skeeter and push past all the doubts people try to feed us and what life throws at us and do something that will make us happy and worth while.

So no matter where you are in life, if you are doubting yourself for a second, STOP. If you are fearful of becoming or doing something great, STOP. Tear down that wall and stop saying 'I can't" because you CAN! We are all destined to become and do something great in our lives. Whether we find out a year from now, 10 years, or even at the brink of death on our bed, we were meant to touch lives, cross paths with people who'll impact us (whether it may be good or bad).

"Doubts are JUST as empty as the tomb He walked out of."

Stress is bad for you!

Sometimes I like to be funny and sometimes I speak in song lyrics, so it's natural that in my class we were talking about stress and all I could think about was the song "Under Pressure." Today I want to discuss with you about stress, coping, how to cope, and how you are much more than what you seem.

The coping saw is a special saw used to cut or shave minor edges for crown molding or cutting jewelry. From the picture you can see that the blade is very, thin and small. In order for this saw to work, both screws on both ends must be tightened and the saw must be straight, otherwise the blade will bend and cause it to break. This is just one of the versions of a cope, but I'm going to just focus on the Coping saw and how I related it to how we could cope with stress and hard times.

When we do come under stress there are many reason why this could happen: School work, work in general, the staff at your work, finance, kids, family, or maybe life in general. Whatever the case may be, if we stay in the moment of stress it can easily build and continue to build if we don't "stop" it or "fix" it. For those who are in school this may be helpful to understand. Whether you are in middle school, high school, or like me, in college, we may have piles upon piles of homework or projects to do right? Sometimes it can be frustrating and in time can lead up to stress. Trying to finish the homework at the last minute or finishing earlier in the day so that you can have free time later in the evening with friends or family. But sometimes when we get stressed we can become too focused on the homework or project that it can become unbearable. Sometimes we may lose focus and not comprehend it anymore. This is the time to STOP! "But I don't have time to stop, I HAVE to finish it now." or, "But i'm almost done." whatever excuse it may be or that you are conjuring up, don't. Even if you are close to being done, take a breather. Even for 2 minutes. Here are some ways that I handle stress or when I am in stress.

1.) I set my phone's alarm for 5 minutes and take a nap.
2.) Go into another room where there is nobody and listen to your favorite song
3.) Go into town and do something there. Whether you buy something or not, driving takes down my stress level
4.) Scream into your pillow
5.) Make some food. Sometimes when we get stressed we forget the essentials like drinking water, eating real food, and sleeping.

These are just some of the things that I do to take down my stress level and once I do that and go back to my homework/ project I find that I am more efficient and able to accomplish more. I realize the mistakes I did and fix them and I realize that I finish the task much faster than before.

Now going back to the Coping saw. When we are under pressure or stressful times the once straight and tightened blade becomes lose and loses it's efficiency to do the work at hand. If not properly adjusted, the blade will break. This can be like us, if we don't fix the problem at hand or take the time for ourselves we can break under pressure and it can hurt us. When I was in my Jewelry class I worked with different kinds of soft metals, usually copper. I related each stressful time in our lives as the different kinds of metals. Sometimes they can soft and we can endure them easier, but sometimes we can be given a hard or stressful time in our lives and we have to find a way to go about it in the most efficient way possible that we think will work. However, a heed of warning. Sometimes we want to finish something and get it done with. If we handle our hard times or stressful times in such a way, the outcome may not be as we wanted it to be. Just like in my jewelry class. We had to cut things that were difficult or had small details. If I went about the work in such a hurry, the result may be horrific and not as I wanted it to be. I would be disappointed in myself for not taking the time to handle the details in a way that would make me proud. Sometimes we need to handle our difficult times with care, sometimes it will pass within a few days or perhaps longer than that. Whatever the time period may be, we must handle each circumstance with care.

But is stress really that bad for you? Not necessarily. Some stress can be good for you and some isn't so much. How can you tell the difference, here is a short list of stresses that is both good and bad.

 GOOD: (Eustress)                                          BAD: (Distress)

Motivational                                                    Relationship Troubles                                                
A speech                                                         Loss of a friend/ Family member

A test                                                              High demand
A Deadline                                                       On-going/ Long term events

Child birth 

Fight or Flight

These are just some of the things that can be impacted by different kinds of stress. So, yes, stress can be good, but if long term or prolonging it could potentially be bad for you, so be careful. 

One day I was roaming around Pinterest and I saw a shirt that perfectly explained what we could do to find the light in dark times.

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side"

And that reminded me of a funny picture I saw a while ago that relates to both this quote and this post.

(Shine bright like a diamond.)

In short, take time for yourself. Even for 5 minutes or for an hour. Take that time to calm down and relax, then when you come back to your work or whatever the case may be you will see a change in the situation. When in difficult times, handle it with care. Don't go about it in a fast paced way. And if you are religious, rely on the Lord and his time. He knows your struggles, your pain, and your worries. He will help you and he will guide you. Sometimes we may not know that until the hardship or difficult times has passed and you will see the blessings from that time.

As the old song goes, "Don't worry, about a thing. Cause every little thing. Will be alright."

It will be alright, I promise you. You are stronger than you think, smarter than you know, and love more than you realize. My favorite quote (right now that is) comes from a movie that is touching and heartbreaking.

"You is kind, you is smart

and

You is important!"

(Never forget that)

Today, we are all French

I'm sure every other person out there is writing about the French attack and how devastating it is. I, as well, would like talk about this. (From my own perspective.)

(Je Suis Charlie- "I am Charlie")

When I first heard the news my heart dropped, literally...ok maybe not literally, but I gripped my heart and covered my mouth with the other hand. Trying hard not to hold back tears. So many had died and so many had lost their lives so early. When heartbreaking news like this happen and so many souls were taken I imagine all those who had died. What potential they could have had in the future if they had not died, what they did before the event happened. It's odd, but I truly felt the heartache for all those people. Yet the tears still escaped from my eyes and that night and I knelt down for my bedtime prayers. With shaking hands and tears falling silently in the dark room I cried out to God to protect, to guard, and to comfort those who had lost their loved ones and to find peace amongst the storm brewing in France. But my prayers didn't just stop for the people who had died, who had lost their loved ones, but also to those who attacked...and sadly died.

Yes, that's right. I prayed for the attackers. I prayed that justice would be served and that correct punishment would be justified on the other side. While anger filled through my head, I said this with peace in my heart because I had to leave the judgment in God's hands. I had feeling of sorrow for both France and the lovely people residing there and the people who attacked. We may not know why they did what they did, but it's situations like this where the whole world comes together and mourns for the country in unity. We all weeped, cried, and prayed with France. On 9/11 the French said, "Today, we are Americans." France, today we are French.

I so wish I could take a trip down to France and help those in need and kindly give them a helping hand, but all I can do is pray for you. Today, my Facebook page lit up with blue, white, and red profile pictures and all I thought was anger and confusion. I was not even tempted once to change my profile picture to the French flag because how is that helping France. Sure it's symbolizing that we are united in the world to "help" France in it's time of need, but that "evidence" does not fully help France. The more I see it on my Facebook page the more I get frustrated and angry to say the least. Like I said, changing your profile picture to the French flag isn't really supporting or helping France. And if you try to argue with me, please keep in mind that this is my own personal opinion on the matter.

But this isn't about Facebook profile pictures. I have read countless articles on the event that took place and told by the young people at the concert tell tales of true horror, fear, and sadness. In a matter of minutes, a fun time singing along with the words by the band suddenly turned to a chaotic nightmare.

("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free
The wretched refuse of your teaming shore, send these the homeless, temptest-tost, to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.") 

Again, I deeply mourn for France right now. My heart still aches for you, tears still find ways to come down my face, and I will continue to pray for you. To those who witnessed the event, those who mourn for their lost loved ones, those who attack you, and those near and far from you. We all wish we could hold you, hug you, and tell you things you may need to hear. Instead what we can do is return the honor you gave to us on 9/11.

We are all French!

And They Lived Happily Ever After: A Shattered Dream

This week, in my Family Relations class, we discussed a lot about love, what it is, how do we define dating/ dates, what our society or we assume dating means. So the first question, What IS love?

You are probably automatically singing "What is Love" by Haddaway right? But seriously? What IS love anyways? The problem I have defining this is that everyone has their own view point or understand of what love is, so I'm going to spare you with the idea of what I think love is. Instead I'm going to tell you a story of when I was first in love.

It happened three years ago on my birthday. It was a snowy Sunday morning as I headed down to church. As I walked inside a few of my friends said Happy Birthday to me and ask how old I was going to be and what plans I was having that day. One of my friends asked what I was doing later in the evening and I told him that I was having a small birthday party with my family. He asked if I was doing anything afterwards and replied with no. He said that I should go over to his Grandparents house (who I knew and lived a couple houses away from me. He was staying there so he could go to the local college) So I accepted his offer and enjoyed the rest of church.

Later in the evening my brother, his wife, and their two kids came over and we celebrated my birthday with ice cream and presents. After the party I headed to my friends house and when I walked in a few of my friends from church and said Happy Birthday to me and gave me a rice krispy birthday cake. Throughout the evening, there was one boy in particular who was attractive in some ways and we talked for a little bit. When he asked me what my favorite movie or genre of movies was I laughed to myself and told him that I liked Anime. A boy who was sitting nearby gasped at my reply and immediately asked me what kind of Anime shows have I watched. We both hit it off and became close friends. Within the week we went on two awesome dates and got to know each other very quickly. Sadly the next week I was going to move down to Pahrump, Nevada with my brother, his wife, and their two kids for a month. I was taking online classes and my sister-in-law was my tutor and so I thought it would be good if I went down there with them and help tend the kids.

We went on one last date as a farewell and it was probably the funnest date I have ever had. After the date we both discussed and DTR'd (Determine the Relationship) and it was decided that we would become boyfriend/ girlfriend. While living in Pahrump we remained in contact despite the distance. We skyped a lot and talked everyday. Even though I hated the distance it was still good to remain in connect with him. I actually decided to surprise him by coming down for a couple of days, but the majority of our relationship was long distance. When I came back home from living with my brother, I only had a few weeks before going back to BYU-Idaho for the Spring semester. He had gotten a job in Alaska and we had to depart from each other yet again. We became super close before this happened and I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

While at school and him in Alaska, we still remained in contact and things were going great, or so I thought. Halfway through the semester I realized that something was wrong with him and I had to ask him. He confessed to me that he had done something that I knew I couldn't handle. I had made a promise that is something like this would ever happen, I was to not give a second thought and get out of that relationship, however I had realized that I was, in some ways, in love with him and it would inevitably break my heart. I started thinking about the future of us in a different light and I soon realized that, that reality was soon slipping away. I was seriously thinking about marring this guy and a lot of people deemed us "engaged." We had discussed this issue early on into our relationship and had figured a solution, but now that solution wasn't working. It was a hard few weeks as the semester came to an end. We talked less and I needed to have some alone time to think.

Needless to say I ended the relationship. Even though it's been some years and I have gone a few dates I have come to realize how obscure our view of dating is now-a-days. A good friend of mine talked about dating a few weeks ago and talked about what girls think and what boys think of when we are on the date and we came to the conclusion that dating at BYU-Idaho is absurd! I mean people met and they get engaged by the end of the semester, that's less than three months of getting to know each other. I was dating my ex for 9 months and I was still learning about him and knowing more about him. I can't imagine dating for 3 months and then getting engaged, I think it's just the worse idea ever. But like I said, we have changed our views of what dating is. Dating is when you are going on dates with people, perhaps the same person over and over again. Exclusively dating someone for a long period of time is called courting. What an old fashion word right? But it's also beautiful at the same time. Dating is not just hanging out with someone and thinking of going out on a whim and just doing something without much thought. My professor told my class that dates have three parts: Planned out, Paid for, and Paired off.

Planned out: Who ever asked the other out on a date they make plans for their evening. Whether it's going to the park for lunch, going to see a movie, or shooting nerf guns at each other. Whatever the case may be, the date is planned out for the evening and usually a date lasts 2 hours. That's enough time to get to the destination, talking/ getting to know each other, and having fun around each other. Now if you have been courting with someone for a long period of time, it's good to plan dates or seeing the other person in various situations. Such as when they're stressed, angry, happy, or any other kind emotion. This helps you see who they are and how they handle situations while they're around you.

Paid for: If you are going to the movies (please don't make it a first date, it's awkward and you don't talk to each other or get to know each other. You're just sitting there next to someone you hardly know, so don't take someone out to the movies on a first date.) Or going out to dinner, make sure you pay for it (if you asked them out) Don't make the stupid comment, "Oh! I left my wallet at home." because that makes you look bad and makes a bad impression. So pay for the evening for you and your date, it's a kind gesture and lets them know you plan to take care of them for a few hours. I have asked a few boys on dates and, yes, I did pay for my share and their share. Even if they kindly offered to pay for me and themselves. I let them know that I asked them on the date and I am taking care of their share. They were surprised, but I think it was a good experience for them and myself.

Paired off: This means that you are on your date with someone else. Even if you are with another couple or with a multiple group of people, you are responsible for that person you brought with you and you are in charge of making sure they are in your care. Don't ask the person out on an outing with you and a group of friends and totally ditch them. That leaves a bad impression and can leave the person you asked left out and make the date disastrous.

I'm not saying that you should date longer for 3 months before getting engaged, if that's your thing then good for you, but for me I'd rather date someone for 2 years and then get engaged than know someone less than 2 months before getting engaged. This helps me better understand the person I'm with and see them in different situations and scenarios.

Love is a lovely thing to have and recognize. Sometimes it's hard for me to see those around me I love dearly getting engaged and married or having kids because I almost had that dream and that future. I know I'm still young, but I think it's because it's mostly pressure. Attending at a "Mormon" college with the nickname BYU-I-DO and with my family wanting me to get married before my younger brother is a little nerve racking. I'm still learning and preparing for when I do meet my eternal companion. Maybe it's not today, tomorrow, these last few months of the year, or even next year. Whenever that day arises I hope I will be prepared to love him (which one? Eros, Phillia, Storge, Agape? Different kinds and forms of love.)

Love can't be explained and nor should it. We all experience love in different ways and it has so many meanings that even if you ask everyone what their view on what love is, you still wouldn't know what love is. Even if you have not experience true love from someone who could be your spouse, you still have probably felt love from a friend, or a family member. We have all felt love in some way or form.

"Love is the most beautiful thing to have, hardest thing to earn and most painful thing to lose."
~Unknown

Boys VS Girl

What defines a girl or what defines a boy? Take away the physical attributes, the clothes and what do you have left? Their personalities, emotions, and their thoughts. But what clearly defines what a boy is or what a girl is?

In our society we seem to have this thought that is stereotypical. Girls seem to be sensitive beings with a kind and nurturing aspect while being overly creative and with a "high" fashion statement. However boys tend to be more energetic, rough, strong, and play football and/ or video games all day long. What if I told you that, that is not the case. Take me for example. Sure I am a girl and I love shopping and wearing fashionable clothing, but I love to get down a dirty in the mud. I'm not afraid to shoot a gun, wrestle with my little brother, or play video games. Yet I am a girl? That's "wrong" isn't it? I'm not suppose to do those kinds of things. I'm suppose to be a good girl and caring about how to become a good housewife by cooking and cleaning all day. Sure I don't mind cleaning, but I'm slowly learning how to cook. I'm not the greatest at it, but I try. How is this possible? Girls having male attributes and vise versa. What kind of example are we setting for our kids who are learning/ experiencing things that are not girly or masculine? What do we do then?

From my experience working with children I say let them be that way. If your 3 or 5 year old son likes to play dress-up and play with barbies, let them. If your 3 or 5 year old daughter loves to wrestle and pretend she's batman, let her. They are experiencing things that are different and exploring as little boys and girls do. However the people of this world aren't as kind. Once they see that your son is interested in fashion, he will most likely be bullied or not accepted by his fellow guy friends and will think something is wrong with him. Sure he may like fashion, but don't discourage him or lead him to become something he isn't interested in. Instead talk and communicate with him, perhaps you two will have something in common and he will be encouraged and have a strong bond with you. What about your daughter? She likes to pretend everything is a weapon and wrestles with a lot. She is also becoming a victim of bullying and isn't accepted by her fellow girl friends. Again, talk to her. 

Sometimes we can't change what we like/ enjoy. That is just who we are. We are all different human beings and it's ok to like or dislike the things that "normal" girls or boys do. I connected well with a lot of guys and had more guy friends than gal pals. I related better to them and I still do, in some aspect. Sure I do like some of the girly things in life, but some things I despise or hate that most girls do/ like. But over the years I have made friends with some girls and have become close to them. Turns out some girls are like me, they like a lot of masculine things yet they also have Gal Pals. I think thats what life is. We are all different each and every one of us. We all like different and unique things and we need to let our children know that it's ok. But not take it or misinterpret it as something else. Just cause your child likes Barbies instead of gun or likes to dress like a Tom boy rather than with sparkles or glitter doesn't mean that they are entirely different or abnormal. 

By misinterpretation I mean we can't automatically assume that because our son likes the color pink, wears heels, and is very touchy with his friends (meaning he likes to hug, poke, or just touch them a lot). This does not mean he has "gay" intentions. My teacher says that being "gay" is identifying who you are. Just because your child likes "girly" things and is very touchy with his friends doesn't mean he is having "gay" feelings or intentions. He is too young to know that exactly. Maybe he sees touching as a sign of affection or maybe he has older sisters and no brother so he associates the color pink as his sisters. Perhaps he likes heels because they all around the house and maybe he doesn't have any "manly" dress up clothes for him to wear. A lot of factors can play into this so we have to be careful with how we interpret these attributes our children come across. We could do more harm than good to them at an early age. 

Tradition, Tradition, Tradition

Traditions have been passed down for many years or maybe some have just started. Whether your tradition is putting the star on top of the christmas tree, painting easter eggs, celebrating Mardie Gras, or whatever it may be. That is what makes your family special and unique. Traditions can be amongst family members or even with a group of friends, roommates, etc. For some, traditions are everything for some it may be a time or event to bring family together and that's how it should be. Something to remember and something to hold onto and pass it down to your next family.

I'm not married yet and there are some traditions that are very unique and special that I would love to pass down in my own family. My family has many Christmas traditions. They range from decorating the family tree with homemade ornaments and reminiscing where we got them or who made them for us. Baking a sweet treat for our neighbors near the season, watching Sesame Street Christmas, decorating a gingerbread house together with my siblings, an event calendar, putting cookies out (even though my little brother and I are old enough to know who Santa really is) and putting out reindeer food for Rudolf to find us (oatmeal and glitter mixed together and sprinkle outside on your front lawn, it's really fun and exciting for your kids) All these traditions I hold onto very dearly and I realized that a lot of family members have other traditions too, such as opening gifts on Christmas Eve. I've never heard of that before but a lot of students in my Family Relation class do this and it was an eye opener for me.

We all do traditions or things that mean something to our family. One was holding hands during dinner prayer. I've always liked the concept of it and even though I don't do it in my family I wouldn't be opposed doing it with my future family one day. And that's the thing, we are so diverse and different even in our family traditions. We marry into a family and realize that some traditions we do can "clash" or "don't make sense." For me I enjoy all different kinds of cultures and traditions amongst those cultures. Some celebrate Day of the Dead, Mardi Gras, The Passover, or even Rosh Hashanah, so why do people "fight" or have "issues" with bringing in traditions into a marriage? Perhaps people don't like change and suddenly changing or mixing things up. Perhaps they just don't understand where they come from and why they have those neat and fun traditions? I have an example for instance that could help shed some light on this question.

In High School I  was in the Marching Band (Clarinet if you're wondering). It was a really enjoyable and fun experience to be able to do something that neat. Marching Band was hard and difficult and I spent days practicing and memorizing. When the day came for competitions we did a lot of traditions that I had no clue that would mean so much to me. Before we went to march on the field everyone would stand around my band director and we would pray for a good solid minute. Praying to do our best, march with confidence, and to be able to place in something. Not a lot of kids knew what praying was, but I think in these moments they understood what it was. Some I knew weren't religious or thought the idea was lame, but I knew deep down it did mean something and they all understood why we "needed" to pray. It was to calm us down and have peace in our hearts and heads. Sometimes we lost and sometimes we won, even 1st place. When the competition ended we packed up and drove back home and when we won, carrying that trophy on the bus, we knew what the next day would bring. It filled us with pride and happiness.

We would all file into the band room with smiles and congrats all around. Then our band director (Jay Ronk) would walk in and say how proud he was of us, sometimes he'd get teary eyed. We would watch our show and see/ heard what we needed to improve and why. After watching our show our band director sat in a chair, draped a multicolored towel over his shoulder, take off his glasses and close his eyes. Then everyone pulled out cans of temporary color spray. We would color his hair and mustache in a variety of colors ranging from green, blue, black, silver, yellow, and pink. When we were done he'd look at himself in the mirror and with a huge grin on his face. He worse that the rest of the day...and I mean THE WHOLE DAY! He wore it around the school and even take his wife out to dinner. We all thought it was funny, but we realized what it meant to him. He wore it with pride and everyone knew what the trademark meant. Everyone who knew Jay Ronk with this hair dye job knew what it meant. It meant that his band won. When he was asked why the funky hairstyle he would reply with a smile on his face and tell them the tradition. He has retired now and I don't know if the new director does the same thing as Jay Ronk did, but it was a tradition I was proud to see and witness.

I told these two stories about my band and Jay Ronk because it showed what traditions can do in a community or in a small family even. Carrying traditions and making new ones in the future. It's ok to adapt and create new traditions into your own family because we are all different and it's ok. We need to step out of our comfort zone and do things that can help/ benefit in out family. Traditions help bring families together and can create loving memories.

What are your traditions that you like to do with your family or ones that you've created/ adopted when you got married? 

Protect and fight for our next generation

Ever since I could remember I wanted to have kids. Six (6) in total, four (4) of my own and two (2) adopted. Since I was in middle school I wanted to adopt children in a few different places. I wanted a little boy from Haiti and a little girl from Japan. Truth of the matter is however, I might not be able to have children. I don't know if this is true, but I hope that I can bear children of my own. If I can't or it's impossible then I would still love to adopt more children or even being a foster parent. Since my "ideal" number of children is six (6) I would be ok if the Lord told me to have more of even to have less than that ideal number. That's the thing though, people are having less and less children now-a-days and the Replacement Rate is getting lower and lower as the years progress, which is going to be what today's blog is about.

Thousands of children are born each day to thousands of couples. Smiling and crying over their new little bundle of joy and seeing how wonderful they are. You're excited to bring them home, raising them, and seeing them grow. However, thousands of couples are now deciding to delay having children or even not having "enough" in the home. Being a mormon, one of our priorities is to "replenish the earth." Meaning to have children, even if our ideal number of little ones is bigger than anticipated. To some, that isn't a concern. But as I said, some have delayed having children. Now I'm not saying that delaying children is a bad thing because most of us are in school, newly weds, in school, working, or not financially stable. I agree on some of those terms. For instance, being a newly wed or being in school still. I would want to spend some time with my future husband and learn more about each other more before having children. Also being in school, I wouldn't mind being pregnant while I'm taking my college classes, but after having one I think it would be difficult for me because although I want to get back to school, I also want to stay home and take care of my little one. It's a hard balance between some of the things in life, I get that.

It is not appropriate to delay having children for selfishness or because your life is too "epic" to have children yet. You're still young (if you're married), having fun at your age, enjoying life and what it brings that by having a children come into the picture or "bombarding" your lifestyle is absurd! Sure, your lifestyle and what you're doing may be fun, but I believe having a child coming into your life could be just as much fun and even more exciting than what you had thought. Now for me, like I said, I may not be able to have my own children. That doesn't mean I don't know for sure and I will still try, of course! But if things turn out that I can't I would be happy to adopt children. There are some families out there who truly cannot take care of their own children. By bringing in those children into our own homes with loving arms is like another form of "replenishing" the earth. Although some cannot bear children, by adopting or fostering children it's like you're "replenishing" your home or adding onto it.

"Having children is my greatest achievement. It was my savior. It switched my focus from the outside to the inside. My children are gifts, the remind me of what's important."

                                                                                                       ~Elle Macpherson  

There is also another case as well that is VERY touchy for me to discuss. So touchy that I tear up and get a little upset over the issue. If this topic proves to be difficult for you, I apologize, but I think it's necessary to bring it up. When I say that the Replacement Rate is going down in the world, some people often think that many couples aren't having enough children in the home. Having one or two children is enough for them, but in reality who is it effecting? You? Your Legacy for them? or is it them? Anyways, that is not what I'm talking about. People often forget that abortion can play into this as well. Many girls' are having premarital sex and early too. Sometimes protected and sometimes not. Often teenage girls get pregnant without wanting to, some marry (which is good if both partners are willing that is. Nobody should be forced into marriage because there's now a baby in the picture. I believe that if both partners love each other very much and are willing to raise a child together and do all that is required to help each other out then I say go for marriage.), some have the baby (good for you!!!), but sometimes abortion is involved.

Now I know what you're thinking, "You don't understand! I was raped" or "I was forced to abort" or "I'm too young and cannot take of it." I get that readers, I do. For me, if I was in a position and I became pregnant and not married, sixteen (16) years old, my partner left me and now I'm alone. My parents are angry with what I did and aren't supporting me as much as I want them too. What would I do then? For me, I would have a very hard decision, but the truth of the matter lies with "what is the best for the baby and myself?" Would abortion really solve the problem? Should I give birth and try to raise it? Give it up to a family who would appreciate my child? Here is my answer in honesty.

I would give birth and give it up to a family who needs my child. Of course I would choose the family and get to know them. Tour their home, ask questions, and things that might be concerning. I believe that if I had gotten an abortion, things would be worse. I don't care what you think about abortion being a "good thing." By removing a child from a women through a suction tube is just cruel and is killing the child no matter what age is it. I would feel emotional unstable and would be more in shock and pain from this experience than giving birth and letting it go. Now, it is your choice, your body, and your life. But it is also the babies life that you're putting in danger as well. I'm not saying that abortion is evil and that you should never do it and it should be illegal and never used again, but I'm not the president or someone who could force that rule on the nation. Everyone is free to their own opinion and I'm ok with that. Except for Abortion, that is the one topic I cannot agree on no matter the circumstance.

"Freedom is never more than one generation from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same"

                                                                           ~Ronald Reagan 

Now back to the topic of this blog. Does it REALLY matter how many children you, or I, have? No, this is between you, your spouse, and the Lord (if you are religious or believe that there is a God). However, sometimes you and your spouse want, lets say, four (4) children. A pretty even number, a pretty good size and you feel like that is perfect. Now let's fast forward about twelve (12) years later, give or take, and you just had your fourth child. Your oldest is ten (10) and your youngest is about three (3) years old. Suddenly one day you get a feeling that you should have a fifth (5th) child. You talk with your spouse and they agree to have another child. A year later you get another prompting to have another child. (let's change things up a little bit) You found out that you couldn't have any more children and you are left to wonder how you would get another child since the Lord prompted you. You search into adoption and you see a child that is put up for adoption in Africa. You fall in love with the picture they sent you and make plans with the agency to sign the papers. After months of waiting, they accept you and you and your spouse go to Africa to adopt your, now, sixth (6th) child in your home.

This is not my story, nor someone else's. This is just a representation. This is what I mean by listening to the Lord and change your plans, as long and you and your spouse agree together that this is what you want to do. In my family I have three (3) other siblings. An older sister who is nine (9) years older than me, an older brother who is six (6) years older than me, and a younger brother who is six (6) years younger than me. When I was born my mother said that my dad was done and didn't want anymore children. But during those six (6) years of waiting my mom had a feeling to have another child. My mom and dad discussed about it and decided to try for another one. My little brother was born, making me the youngest middle child. It's been, more or less, a blessing to have four siblings in the home and we all have many good memories together. However because we are all spaced out, it's hard to get along sometimes. Out of all my siblings I am more closer to my oldest sister and with my older brother a little bit. My sister and I are super close and we often see each other. I'm not as close to my brother and we often argue or don't talk to each other that much. I think it's harder for my younger brother though. He doesn't really have a relationship with any of us, except maybe my sister. He has a strong relationship with my dad, which is nice I suppose. But because he is so young (he's sixteen (16) now) he doesn't really have a relationship with any of his oldest siblings and I think it's hard for him. He also gets along with my nephew and two nieces. I think it's because they are younger than him and enjoys playing with them more.

(My younger brother and I with my two nieces and nephew)

If all of my siblings and I were born closer together we would all get along better and have a better relationship as well. Now I'm not saying that it's good or bad to space your children out because that is your decision how spaced out or when to have children. Children are our future and we cannot deny them that wanting because they are all in heaven waiting to come down. Some I think are getting tired and are worried for us because fewer of them are coming down less or not as many. Now I'm talking spiritually wise, and I apologize for that. But this is a serious issue. We are becoming more and more selfish in our everyday lives and are putting off important things in life.

I am not married yet, but when I do I would like to put off having children no more than a year or a years and a half. Because by then I would be graduated, hopefully, and I would know my husband a little bit better than when we first started. Plus I think having a little one around the house would keep me on my toes and I would love having a baby running around in the house. Everyday would be an adventure and I think that is more exciting than what I'm doing right now...which is writing this blog. But overall, having children is a blessing and we cannot put off children more than it is necessary. This is not the Lords will and I don't think it's fair either. It's not fair to those little spirits in heaven, it's not fair to our parents, and our grandparents.

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you."

                                                     ~Khalil Gibran  

Don't put off such a wonderful blessing and the most beautiful and miraculous gift you'll ever receive in your life. You will learn so much from children, more than you could ever teach them. They'll surprise you, make you laugh and wonder, you'll look at them as more than they'll even know, you'll protect them with all you've got, and you'll see them as blessings and you'll thank them everyday for coming into your life. If we do not fight and protect our next generation, they will not fight for the next one and the next one. It all starts with us!