Stress is bad for you!

Sometimes I like to be funny and sometimes I speak in song lyrics, so it's natural that in my class we were talking about stress and all I could think about was the song "Under Pressure." Today I want to discuss with you about stress, coping, how to cope, and how you are much more than what you seem.

The coping saw is a special saw used to cut or shave minor edges for crown molding or cutting jewelry. From the picture you can see that the blade is very, thin and small. In order for this saw to work, both screws on both ends must be tightened and the saw must be straight, otherwise the blade will bend and cause it to break. This is just one of the versions of a cope, but I'm going to just focus on the Coping saw and how I related it to how we could cope with stress and hard times.

When we do come under stress there are many reason why this could happen: School work, work in general, the staff at your work, finance, kids, family, or maybe life in general. Whatever the case may be, if we stay in the moment of stress it can easily build and continue to build if we don't "stop" it or "fix" it. For those who are in school this may be helpful to understand. Whether you are in middle school, high school, or like me, in college, we may have piles upon piles of homework or projects to do right? Sometimes it can be frustrating and in time can lead up to stress. Trying to finish the homework at the last minute or finishing earlier in the day so that you can have free time later in the evening with friends or family. But sometimes when we get stressed we can become too focused on the homework or project that it can become unbearable. Sometimes we may lose focus and not comprehend it anymore. This is the time to STOP! "But I don't have time to stop, I HAVE to finish it now." or, "But i'm almost done." whatever excuse it may be or that you are conjuring up, don't. Even if you are close to being done, take a breather. Even for 2 minutes. Here are some ways that I handle stress or when I am in stress.

1.) I set my phone's alarm for 5 minutes and take a nap.
2.) Go into another room where there is nobody and listen to your favorite song
3.) Go into town and do something there. Whether you buy something or not, driving takes down my stress level
4.) Scream into your pillow
5.) Make some food. Sometimes when we get stressed we forget the essentials like drinking water, eating real food, and sleeping.

These are just some of the things that I do to take down my stress level and once I do that and go back to my homework/ project I find that I am more efficient and able to accomplish more. I realize the mistakes I did and fix them and I realize that I finish the task much faster than before.

Now going back to the Coping saw. When we are under pressure or stressful times the once straight and tightened blade becomes lose and loses it's efficiency to do the work at hand. If not properly adjusted, the blade will break. This can be like us, if we don't fix the problem at hand or take the time for ourselves we can break under pressure and it can hurt us. When I was in my Jewelry class I worked with different kinds of soft metals, usually copper. I related each stressful time in our lives as the different kinds of metals. Sometimes they can soft and we can endure them easier, but sometimes we can be given a hard or stressful time in our lives and we have to find a way to go about it in the most efficient way possible that we think will work. However, a heed of warning. Sometimes we want to finish something and get it done with. If we handle our hard times or stressful times in such a way, the outcome may not be as we wanted it to be. Just like in my jewelry class. We had to cut things that were difficult or had small details. If I went about the work in such a hurry, the result may be horrific and not as I wanted it to be. I would be disappointed in myself for not taking the time to handle the details in a way that would make me proud. Sometimes we need to handle our difficult times with care, sometimes it will pass within a few days or perhaps longer than that. Whatever the time period may be, we must handle each circumstance with care.

But is stress really that bad for you? Not necessarily. Some stress can be good for you and some isn't so much. How can you tell the difference, here is a short list of stresses that is both good and bad.

 GOOD: (Eustress)                                          BAD: (Distress)

Motivational                                                    Relationship Troubles                                                
A speech                                                         Loss of a friend/ Family member

A test                                                              High demand
A Deadline                                                       On-going/ Long term events

Child birth 

Fight or Flight

These are just some of the things that can be impacted by different kinds of stress. So, yes, stress can be good, but if long term or prolonging it could potentially be bad for you, so be careful. 

One day I was roaming around Pinterest and I saw a shirt that perfectly explained what we could do to find the light in dark times.

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side"

And that reminded me of a funny picture I saw a while ago that relates to both this quote and this post.

(Shine bright like a diamond.)

In short, take time for yourself. Even for 5 minutes or for an hour. Take that time to calm down and relax, then when you come back to your work or whatever the case may be you will see a change in the situation. When in difficult times, handle it with care. Don't go about it in a fast paced way. And if you are religious, rely on the Lord and his time. He knows your struggles, your pain, and your worries. He will help you and he will guide you. Sometimes we may not know that until the hardship or difficult times has passed and you will see the blessings from that time.

As the old song goes, "Don't worry, about a thing. Cause every little thing. Will be alright."

It will be alright, I promise you. You are stronger than you think, smarter than you know, and love more than you realize. My favorite quote (right now that is) comes from a movie that is touching and heartbreaking.

"You is kind, you is smart

and

You is important!"

(Never forget that)

Today, we are all French

I'm sure every other person out there is writing about the French attack and how devastating it is. I, as well, would like talk about this. (From my own perspective.)

(Je Suis Charlie- "I am Charlie")

When I first heard the news my heart dropped, literally...ok maybe not literally, but I gripped my heart and covered my mouth with the other hand. Trying hard not to hold back tears. So many had died and so many had lost their lives so early. When heartbreaking news like this happen and so many souls were taken I imagine all those who had died. What potential they could have had in the future if they had not died, what they did before the event happened. It's odd, but I truly felt the heartache for all those people. Yet the tears still escaped from my eyes and that night and I knelt down for my bedtime prayers. With shaking hands and tears falling silently in the dark room I cried out to God to protect, to guard, and to comfort those who had lost their loved ones and to find peace amongst the storm brewing in France. But my prayers didn't just stop for the people who had died, who had lost their loved ones, but also to those who attacked...and sadly died.

Yes, that's right. I prayed for the attackers. I prayed that justice would be served and that correct punishment would be justified on the other side. While anger filled through my head, I said this with peace in my heart because I had to leave the judgment in God's hands. I had feeling of sorrow for both France and the lovely people residing there and the people who attacked. We may not know why they did what they did, but it's situations like this where the whole world comes together and mourns for the country in unity. We all weeped, cried, and prayed with France. On 9/11 the French said, "Today, we are Americans." France, today we are French.

I so wish I could take a trip down to France and help those in need and kindly give them a helping hand, but all I can do is pray for you. Today, my Facebook page lit up with blue, white, and red profile pictures and all I thought was anger and confusion. I was not even tempted once to change my profile picture to the French flag because how is that helping France. Sure it's symbolizing that we are united in the world to "help" France in it's time of need, but that "evidence" does not fully help France. The more I see it on my Facebook page the more I get frustrated and angry to say the least. Like I said, changing your profile picture to the French flag isn't really supporting or helping France. And if you try to argue with me, please keep in mind that this is my own personal opinion on the matter.

But this isn't about Facebook profile pictures. I have read countless articles on the event that took place and told by the young people at the concert tell tales of true horror, fear, and sadness. In a matter of minutes, a fun time singing along with the words by the band suddenly turned to a chaotic nightmare.

("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free
The wretched refuse of your teaming shore, send these the homeless, temptest-tost, to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.") 

Again, I deeply mourn for France right now. My heart still aches for you, tears still find ways to come down my face, and I will continue to pray for you. To those who witnessed the event, those who mourn for their lost loved ones, those who attack you, and those near and far from you. We all wish we could hold you, hug you, and tell you things you may need to hear. Instead what we can do is return the honor you gave to us on 9/11.

We are all French!

And They Lived Happily Ever After: A Shattered Dream

This week, in my Family Relations class, we discussed a lot about love, what it is, how do we define dating/ dates, what our society or we assume dating means. So the first question, What IS love?

You are probably automatically singing "What is Love" by Haddaway right? But seriously? What IS love anyways? The problem I have defining this is that everyone has their own view point or understand of what love is, so I'm going to spare you with the idea of what I think love is. Instead I'm going to tell you a story of when I was first in love.

It happened three years ago on my birthday. It was a snowy Sunday morning as I headed down to church. As I walked inside a few of my friends said Happy Birthday to me and ask how old I was going to be and what plans I was having that day. One of my friends asked what I was doing later in the evening and I told him that I was having a small birthday party with my family. He asked if I was doing anything afterwards and replied with no. He said that I should go over to his Grandparents house (who I knew and lived a couple houses away from me. He was staying there so he could go to the local college) So I accepted his offer and enjoyed the rest of church.

Later in the evening my brother, his wife, and their two kids came over and we celebrated my birthday with ice cream and presents. After the party I headed to my friends house and when I walked in a few of my friends from church and said Happy Birthday to me and gave me a rice krispy birthday cake. Throughout the evening, there was one boy in particular who was attractive in some ways and we talked for a little bit. When he asked me what my favorite movie or genre of movies was I laughed to myself and told him that I liked Anime. A boy who was sitting nearby gasped at my reply and immediately asked me what kind of Anime shows have I watched. We both hit it off and became close friends. Within the week we went on two awesome dates and got to know each other very quickly. Sadly the next week I was going to move down to Pahrump, Nevada with my brother, his wife, and their two kids for a month. I was taking online classes and my sister-in-law was my tutor and so I thought it would be good if I went down there with them and help tend the kids.

We went on one last date as a farewell and it was probably the funnest date I have ever had. After the date we both discussed and DTR'd (Determine the Relationship) and it was decided that we would become boyfriend/ girlfriend. While living in Pahrump we remained in contact despite the distance. We skyped a lot and talked everyday. Even though I hated the distance it was still good to remain in connect with him. I actually decided to surprise him by coming down for a couple of days, but the majority of our relationship was long distance. When I came back home from living with my brother, I only had a few weeks before going back to BYU-Idaho for the Spring semester. He had gotten a job in Alaska and we had to depart from each other yet again. We became super close before this happened and I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

While at school and him in Alaska, we still remained in contact and things were going great, or so I thought. Halfway through the semester I realized that something was wrong with him and I had to ask him. He confessed to me that he had done something that I knew I couldn't handle. I had made a promise that is something like this would ever happen, I was to not give a second thought and get out of that relationship, however I had realized that I was, in some ways, in love with him and it would inevitably break my heart. I started thinking about the future of us in a different light and I soon realized that, that reality was soon slipping away. I was seriously thinking about marring this guy and a lot of people deemed us "engaged." We had discussed this issue early on into our relationship and had figured a solution, but now that solution wasn't working. It was a hard few weeks as the semester came to an end. We talked less and I needed to have some alone time to think.

Needless to say I ended the relationship. Even though it's been some years and I have gone a few dates I have come to realize how obscure our view of dating is now-a-days. A good friend of mine talked about dating a few weeks ago and talked about what girls think and what boys think of when we are on the date and we came to the conclusion that dating at BYU-Idaho is absurd! I mean people met and they get engaged by the end of the semester, that's less than three months of getting to know each other. I was dating my ex for 9 months and I was still learning about him and knowing more about him. I can't imagine dating for 3 months and then getting engaged, I think it's just the worse idea ever. But like I said, we have changed our views of what dating is. Dating is when you are going on dates with people, perhaps the same person over and over again. Exclusively dating someone for a long period of time is called courting. What an old fashion word right? But it's also beautiful at the same time. Dating is not just hanging out with someone and thinking of going out on a whim and just doing something without much thought. My professor told my class that dates have three parts: Planned out, Paid for, and Paired off.

Planned out: Who ever asked the other out on a date they make plans for their evening. Whether it's going to the park for lunch, going to see a movie, or shooting nerf guns at each other. Whatever the case may be, the date is planned out for the evening and usually a date lasts 2 hours. That's enough time to get to the destination, talking/ getting to know each other, and having fun around each other. Now if you have been courting with someone for a long period of time, it's good to plan dates or seeing the other person in various situations. Such as when they're stressed, angry, happy, or any other kind emotion. This helps you see who they are and how they handle situations while they're around you.

Paid for: If you are going to the movies (please don't make it a first date, it's awkward and you don't talk to each other or get to know each other. You're just sitting there next to someone you hardly know, so don't take someone out to the movies on a first date.) Or going out to dinner, make sure you pay for it (if you asked them out) Don't make the stupid comment, "Oh! I left my wallet at home." because that makes you look bad and makes a bad impression. So pay for the evening for you and your date, it's a kind gesture and lets them know you plan to take care of them for a few hours. I have asked a few boys on dates and, yes, I did pay for my share and their share. Even if they kindly offered to pay for me and themselves. I let them know that I asked them on the date and I am taking care of their share. They were surprised, but I think it was a good experience for them and myself.

Paired off: This means that you are on your date with someone else. Even if you are with another couple or with a multiple group of people, you are responsible for that person you brought with you and you are in charge of making sure they are in your care. Don't ask the person out on an outing with you and a group of friends and totally ditch them. That leaves a bad impression and can leave the person you asked left out and make the date disastrous.

I'm not saying that you should date longer for 3 months before getting engaged, if that's your thing then good for you, but for me I'd rather date someone for 2 years and then get engaged than know someone less than 2 months before getting engaged. This helps me better understand the person I'm with and see them in different situations and scenarios.

Love is a lovely thing to have and recognize. Sometimes it's hard for me to see those around me I love dearly getting engaged and married or having kids because I almost had that dream and that future. I know I'm still young, but I think it's because it's mostly pressure. Attending at a "Mormon" college with the nickname BYU-I-DO and with my family wanting me to get married before my younger brother is a little nerve racking. I'm still learning and preparing for when I do meet my eternal companion. Maybe it's not today, tomorrow, these last few months of the year, or even next year. Whenever that day arises I hope I will be prepared to love him (which one? Eros, Phillia, Storge, Agape? Different kinds and forms of love.)

Love can't be explained and nor should it. We all experience love in different ways and it has so many meanings that even if you ask everyone what their view on what love is, you still wouldn't know what love is. Even if you have not experience true love from someone who could be your spouse, you still have probably felt love from a friend, or a family member. We have all felt love in some way or form.

"Love is the most beautiful thing to have, hardest thing to earn and most painful thing to lose."
~Unknown