I thought my life was pretty good, though it wasn't. I had a fairly good job, I had somewhat good friends, and I thought my life would just by some miracle fall into place. However my parents wanted the best for me and my bleak future I had conjured up. After seeing my ACT scores I knew I wasn't fit for college, In fact the department I wanted to get in to at that time was Elementary Education and the local college (ISU) didn't really accept me because my scores were too low. I knew right then that I was a failure and doubted my worth, educational wise. Yet my parents still wanted me to get an education and helped me apply to BYU-I. If I wasn't accepted at ISU why would BYU-I accept me? I doubted my future of becoming a teacher and deemed myself worthless and from any happiness that may arise. I was wrong to doubt myself, I was wrong to think that I wasn't good enough because I was. I really was capable of something great, yet I still denied my future happiness.
Weeks later I got my letter from the college and every fiber of by body was exploding with nerves. I was dying to prove to my mother that I wasn't smart enough. But deep down inside I wanted to be accepted and become something great. Then as if the right words bursted forth from the page I saw the word "Congratulations." Those doubts of me getting accepted into college flew away and I was welcomed with sweet bliss and "I told you so's" from my family. But that wasn't the end, I still doubted myself. I changed majors and doubted myself from getting my associates and even my bachelor degree. I aimed very low for myself and for the goals in college. I denied happiness still and denied from being capable of becoming something great. But each time I doubted myself I was proven wrong, and I did gain happiness from friends, from my classes, and from getting my Associates degree. Now I am happily and willingly getting my Bachelors Degree and will graduate hopefully next Spring.
The thing is, doubts are like walls you purposely built around you. Doubts are like haunting messages of telling yourself that you aren't good enough for something or to deny you true happiness. From doubts comes the wicked monsters of fears. Fearing you won't become something great. Fears and doubts are like best friends. They trick you to think you are lesser of what you are, weaker than you seem. They're like a sticky mud pit that you can't get out of until you call out for help from the hand of "I can do this." And once that hand grabs ahold of you, you fight with every breath and every cell in your body to prove to doubt and fear that you are NOT what they whispered to you in your heart. You ARE meant for greatness, so doubt your doubts and fight your fears. Tear down the walls of "I can't",put on the cape of "I can" and head toward your goals and aspirations in life.
I was on Facebook a few weeks ago and one of my friends posted a rather "long" video. I don't like looking at videos on Facebook for some reason, but this time I felt like I needed to hear it. It's about this young man giving a speech through a poem he wrote. He talks about a man who doubts himself and basically calls out to Jesus Christ saying he can't do this anymore and doesn't know what to do. It was pretty good so far, so I kept listening. Then the young man switches his tone as if he was answering this mans questions through the voice of Jesus. He tells the man that he is strong enough and that He is always there. Now this next part absolutely blew me away. In fact I heard this small simple sentence 10 times. As Christ tells the man to stop doubting himself he tells him that his doubts are as empty as the tomb He walked out of. Think about that. Doubts don't bring you closer to goals or aspirations in life, goals don't push you to do something, instead it denies you from doing something. Doubts don't make you a better person and doubts don't help much when you are making crucial decisions. So yes, doubts are JUST as empty as the tomb He walked out of. How beautiful is that?
One of my all time favorite movies is called "The Help." If you have not seen this, DO IT NOW! I don't care if you are a rough an tough 40 year old man, you NEED to see this! It's a story set in the early 1960's, in Jackson, Mississippi. A time where (excuse my language in this next part) Blacks and Whites were divided and where the blacks worked for the whites. A story written through those eyes and hands that labored with these families. A story unlike any other, and dangerous as such. The girl writing this story is a journalist. She gets an idea one day to write the stories of each lady who was a Helper to the white families. Recording their thoughts, their dreams, their memories, everything. It was dangerous work however. Despite the beginning doubts and fears to write this story and doubts from the publisher, the young journalist, still wrote and pursued on. Skeeter pushed to get these stories and the truth from the opposite color, and despite their refusal, she still pushed. She knew that the truth and these stories needed to be heard and through Skeeters' perseverance, her book was publish, soon fear was replaced with generosity and gratitude. We can become like Skeeter and push past all the doubts people try to feed us and what life throws at us and do something that will make us happy and worth while.
So no matter where you are in life, if you are doubting yourself for a second, STOP. If you are fearful of becoming or doing something great, STOP. Tear down that wall and stop saying 'I can't" because you CAN! We are all destined to become and do something great in our lives. Whether we find out a year from now, 10 years, or even at the brink of death on our bed, we were meant to touch lives, cross paths with people who'll impact us (whether it may be good or bad).
"Doubts are JUST as empty as the tomb He walked out of."
