Thousands of children are born each day to thousands of couples. Smiling and crying over their new little bundle of joy and seeing how wonderful they are. You're excited to bring them home, raising them, and seeing them grow. However, thousands of couples are now deciding to delay having children or even not having "enough" in the home. Being a mormon, one of our priorities is to "replenish the earth." Meaning to have children, even if our ideal number of little ones is bigger than anticipated. To some, that isn't a concern. But as I said, some have delayed having children. Now I'm not saying that delaying children is a bad thing because most of us are in school, newly weds, in school, working, or not financially stable. I agree on some of those terms. For instance, being a newly wed or being in school still. I would want to spend some time with my future husband and learn more about each other more before having children. Also being in school, I wouldn't mind being pregnant while I'm taking my college classes, but after having one I think it would be difficult for me because although I want to get back to school, I also want to stay home and take care of my little one. It's a hard balance between some of the things in life, I get that.
It is not appropriate to delay having children for selfishness or because your life is too "epic" to have children yet. You're still young (if you're married), having fun at your age, enjoying life and what it brings that by having a children come into the picture or "bombarding" your lifestyle is absurd! Sure, your lifestyle and what you're doing may be fun, but I believe having a child coming into your life could be just as much fun and even more exciting than what you had thought. Now for me, like I said, I may not be able to have my own children. That doesn't mean I don't know for sure and I will still try, of course! But if things turn out that I can't I would be happy to adopt children. There are some families out there who truly cannot take care of their own children. By bringing in those children into our own homes with loving arms is like another form of "replenishing" the earth. Although some cannot bear children, by adopting or fostering children it's like you're "replenishing" your home or adding onto it.
"Having children is my greatest achievement. It was my savior. It switched my focus from the outside to the inside. My children are gifts, the remind me of what's important."~Elle Macpherson
There is also another case as well that is VERY touchy for me to discuss. So touchy that I tear up and get a little upset over the issue. If this topic proves to be difficult for you, I apologize, but I think it's necessary to bring it up. When I say that the Replacement Rate is going down in the world, some people often think that many couples aren't having enough children in the home. Having one or two children is enough for them, but in reality who is it effecting? You? Your Legacy for them? or is it them? Anyways, that is not what I'm talking about. People often forget that abortion can play into this as well. Many girls' are having premarital sex and early too. Sometimes protected and sometimes not. Often teenage girls get pregnant without wanting to, some marry (which is good if both partners are willing that is. Nobody should be forced into marriage because there's now a baby in the picture. I believe that if both partners love each other very much and are willing to raise a child together and do all that is required to help each other out then I say go for marriage.), some have the baby (good for you!!!), but sometimes abortion is involved.
Now I know what you're thinking, "You don't understand! I was raped" or "I was forced to abort" or "I'm too young and cannot take of it." I get that readers, I do. For me, if I was in a position and I became pregnant and not married, sixteen (16) years old, my partner left me and now I'm alone. My parents are angry with what I did and aren't supporting me as much as I want them too. What would I do then? For me, I would have a very hard decision, but the truth of the matter lies with "what is the best for the baby and myself?" Would abortion really solve the problem? Should I give birth and try to raise it? Give it up to a family who would appreciate my child? Here is my answer in honesty.
I would give birth and give it up to a family who needs my child. Of course I would choose the family and get to know them. Tour their home, ask questions, and things that might be concerning. I believe that if I had gotten an abortion, things would be worse. I don't care what you think about abortion being a "good thing." By removing a child from a women through a suction tube is just cruel and is killing the child no matter what age is it. I would feel emotional unstable and would be more in shock and pain from this experience than giving birth and letting it go. Now, it is your choice, your body, and your life. But it is also the babies life that you're putting in danger as well. I'm not saying that abortion is evil and that you should never do it and it should be illegal and never used again, but I'm not the president or someone who could force that rule on the nation. Everyone is free to their own opinion and I'm ok with that. Except for Abortion, that is the one topic I cannot agree on no matter the circumstance.
"Freedom is never more than one generation from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same"~Ronald Reagan
Now back to the topic of this blog. Does it REALLY matter how many children you, or I, have? No, this is between you, your spouse, and the Lord (if you are religious or believe that there is a God). However, sometimes you and your spouse want, lets say, four (4) children. A pretty even number, a pretty good size and you feel like that is perfect. Now let's fast forward about twelve (12) years later, give or take, and you just had your fourth child. Your oldest is ten (10) and your youngest is about three (3) years old. Suddenly one day you get a feeling that you should have a fifth (5th) child. You talk with your spouse and they agree to have another child. A year later you get another prompting to have another child. (let's change things up a little bit) You found out that you couldn't have any more children and you are left to wonder how you would get another child since the Lord prompted you. You search into adoption and you see a child that is put up for adoption in Africa. You fall in love with the picture they sent you and make plans with the agency to sign the papers. After months of waiting, they accept you and you and your spouse go to Africa to adopt your, now, sixth (6th) child in your home.
This is not my story, nor someone else's. This is just a representation. This is what I mean by listening to the Lord and change your plans, as long and you and your spouse agree together that this is what you want to do. In my family I have three (3) other siblings. An older sister who is nine (9) years older than me, an older brother who is six (6) years older than me, and a younger brother who is six (6) years younger than me. When I was born my mother said that my dad was done and didn't want anymore children. But during those six (6) years of waiting my mom had a feeling to have another child. My mom and dad discussed about it and decided to try for another one. My little brother was born, making me the youngest middle child. It's been, more or less, a blessing to have four siblings in the home and we all have many good memories together. However because we are all spaced out, it's hard to get along sometimes. Out of all my siblings I am more closer to my oldest sister and with my older brother a little bit. My sister and I are super close and we often see each other. I'm not as close to my brother and we often argue or don't talk to each other that much. I think it's harder for my younger brother though. He doesn't really have a relationship with any of us, except maybe my sister. He has a strong relationship with my dad, which is nice I suppose. But because he is so young (he's sixteen (16) now) he doesn't really have a relationship with any of his oldest siblings and I think it's hard for him. He also gets along with my nephew and two nieces. I think it's because they are younger than him and enjoys playing with them more.
(My younger brother and I with my two nieces and nephew)
If all of my siblings and I were born closer together we would all get along better and have a better relationship as well. Now I'm not saying that it's good or bad to space your children out because that is your decision how spaced out or when to have children. Children are our future and we cannot deny them that wanting because they are all in heaven waiting to come down. Some I think are getting tired and are worried for us because fewer of them are coming down less or not as many. Now I'm talking spiritually wise, and I apologize for that. But this is a serious issue. We are becoming more and more selfish in our everyday lives and are putting off important things in life.
I am not married yet, but when I do I would like to put off having children no more than a year or a years and a half. Because by then I would be graduated, hopefully, and I would know my husband a little bit better than when we first started. Plus I think having a little one around the house would keep me on my toes and I would love having a baby running around in the house. Everyday would be an adventure and I think that is more exciting than what I'm doing right now...which is writing this blog. But overall, having children is a blessing and we cannot put off children more than it is necessary. This is not the Lords will and I don't think it's fair either. It's not fair to those little spirits in heaven, it's not fair to our parents, and our grandparents.
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you."~Khalil Gibran
Don't put off such a wonderful blessing and the most beautiful and miraculous gift you'll ever receive in your life. You will learn so much from children, more than you could ever teach them. They'll surprise you, make you laugh and wonder, you'll look at them as more than they'll even know, you'll protect them with all you've got, and you'll see them as blessings and you'll thank them everyday for coming into your life. If we do not fight and protect our next generation, they will not fight for the next one and the next one. It all starts with us!
